"Why ‘What Do You Want to Be?’ Might Not Be the Right Question for Our Kids"
"Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be a mommy."
When my daughter said those words, I felt an odd mixture of pride and hesitation. As a mother myself, I know the profound importance of this role. It is the most challenging yet rewarding "job" I’ve ever had. And yet, I couldn’t help but cringe. Was it wrong for me to want more for her? Was it unfair to feel conflicted, knowing how far women have come in society, fighting for respect and opportunities that were once out of reach?
These moments make me question whether we should even ask kids what they want to be when they grow up. After all, how can a child—or even an adult—truly know the answer to that? Life is full of twists, turns, and unexpected moments that shape us. Maybe the better question is: How do we help them discover who they are and what makes them happy?
Do We Reflect Our Dreams Onto Our Kids?
As parents, it’s in our nature to want more for our children. We sacrifice so they can have opportunities we didn’t. Sometimes, we find ourselves projecting our own experiences—both successes and disappointments—onto them.
If we struggled financially, we might push them toward "secure" careers. If we thrived as artists, we might encourage creativity. But where’s the balance between guiding them and allowing them to forge their own path?
It’s important to remember that our children are not extensions of us; they are their own people with unique dreams, strengths, and challenges. Our job is not to shape their future into what we wish ours had been, but to provide them with the tools and freedom to decide for themselves.
Is It Even Fair to Ask Them?
When we ask kids what they want to be when they grow up, we’re often imposing an adult perspective on their limitless imaginations. Their answers—astronaut, princess, superhero, or even mother—reflect where they are in life now, not where they’ll end up.
At its core, the question can unintentionally set the expectation that they should have it all figured out, even as young as five or six. But the truth is, most of us as adults are still figuring it out. I’m in my late 30s, and while I’ve found a stable career, it doesn’t fulfill me in the way I thought it might. Life has a way of throwing opportunities, circumstances, and detours that shift our paths.
Instead of asking kids to decide their entire future, perhaps we should focus on something different: helping them discover their strengths, exploring their passions, and cultivating a love of learning and curiosity about the world.
The Role of a Parent: Support, Not Decide
Life is unpredictable. We can’t map out every step for our kids, but we can guide them with empathy and understanding. Our role as parents is to expose them to new experiences, encourage their natural interests, and teach them resilience for when life doesn’t go as planned.
When my daughter says she wants to be a mother, maybe she already understands something I’ve struggled with: that the job of nurturing and loving another human being is invaluable.
Society has conditioned many of us to equate success with careers, titles, and achievements. But perhaps success is also found in kindness, relationships, and the quiet moments that shape who we are.
That doesn’t mean I’ll stop encouraging her to explore other possibilities. I want her to know she can be anything she wants—a mother, a scientist, an artist, or something she hasn’t even imagined yet. I want her to dream without limits while recognizing that every choice is valid, including the one she cherishes most right now.
Focusing on the Journey, Not the Destination
So, should we stop asking kids what they want to be when they grow up? Maybe not, but let’s reframe the question. Instead of focusing on a future job title, we can ask:
What do you love doing?
What makes you happy?
What problems would you like to solve in the world?
These questions encourage curiosity and self-awareness without locking them into a single path.
Let’s also model the lesson that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Life is less about figuring it out and more about experiencing it, growing from it, and finding joy in the process.
In the End, She Might Be Right
My daughter wants to be a mother, and maybe she’s onto something. At the heart of it, she sees motherhood as important and fulfilling—and she’s right. It is the most important "job" I’ve ever had, even if it’s one society undervalues.
Perhaps the lesson here is that our children don’t need us to impose answers or expectations. They need us to listen, guide, and believe in them. Whether they choose a career we dream of for them or carve their own unique path, our role is to cheer them on, every step of the way.
So the next time my daughter tells me she wants to be a mother, I’ll smile and say, "That’s a wonderful dream. And I can’t wait to see all the other amazing things you’ll do too."
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